The hardest kind of love to learn is self-love. And the greatest obstacle to learning self-love is the Inner Critic – you know – that voice in your head that is always catching you off guard, finding something negative about everything you do. 
The Inner Critic is one of a constellation of voices or sub-personalities that make up your individualized self. It is one of the energy patterns you created when you were a child to help navigate the physical world.
Believe it or not, your Inner Critic cares about you and wants to serve you. As your creation it is intense and often toxic because it takes its job so seriously. That job is to keep others from criticizing you by getting there first. In this way it protects you from the harsh judgments of those around you, and any possible harm that might come as a result.
While the Inner Critic is intense and focused, it is not very creative. It has learned how to get your attention from early authority figures in your life. If you listen closely to this voice you can probably hear the echoes of people in your childhood who also felt the need to teach you the way of the world by criticizing you – a parent, grandparent, teacher, coach, minister or priest. They probably felt that the more negative the criticism, the more likely it was to get your attention.
Harsh criticism is a form of emotional abuse. It is a force that doesn’t hurt physically, but it is oh-so painful emotionally. It can cripple our spirits, robbing us of self-confidence, the ability to move forward, and passion for life.
Today, at the beginning of the 21st century, we are starting to realize that force is not an appropriate or effective way to get human beings to do anything. Toxic criticism is a kind of verbal force or abuse that is automatically met with resistance, denial and/or depression. Rather than deter us from the criticized action we are often more likely to show our independence by engaging in it. Nonetheless, if that criticism is repeated enough, we begin to believe it in spite of our conscious efforts to negate it.
Many people try to solve this problem by trying to get rid of the Inner Critic, to banish it from consciousness, ignore it or fight with it. This tactic is not effective because the more you ignore it or try to get rid of it, the louder it becomes – a natural resistance to your harsh treatment. In addition, the Inner Critic is a necessary and vital part of every personality and does have an important job, so you really don’t want to get rid of it.
Fortunately it is possible to transform your Inner Critic, (as well as any other problematic sub-personality), by teaching it to be more compassionate and constructive. Since you created this part of yourself as a child, you can now recreate it, much like you reprogram your computer when the program you are using is out-of-date.
Your Inner Critic says what it says simply because it knows no other way of carrying out its job, and it desperately wants to serve you and do its job well. If it is no longer serving you constructively, then it is up to you to show it how it can do its job more successfully.
You can dialogue with your Inner Critic just as if it were a real person as long as you approach it with the same energy you want from it; compassion, understanding and unconditional love. You must set the example.
The next time your inner Critic speaks harshly to you, stop for a moment and really listen to what it is saying. Do you even agree that this issue is really true or still important to you? If it is not important or even true, simply inform your Inner Critic that this issue is no longer valid and shouldn’t be broached again.
If the issue is important, let your Inner Critic know that harsh criticism has a negative effect and causes the person being criticized to rebel against, or resist the advice or admonition. Think about how a kind, loving parent or wise master might deliver the same information in a compassionate, constructive way. Then suggest this kind of approach to your Inner Critic.
Taming your Inner Critic takes time and thought. Since it is habituated to using certain language, you will have to be constantly aware of the need to lovingly reprogram how it speaks to you. The more consistent you are, and the more you pay attention to the reprogrammed advice, the faster your Inner Critic will learn the new program.
Whatever it takes, the effort is well worth it. Transforming your Inner Critic makes your life much easier, more joyful and productive, and can also change your relationships with others. When you learn to treat yourself with love and compassion, it spills over into everything you do.
You can learn more about the energy realm in my book, “It’s All About Energy: Adventures in Expanded Reality”, found on Amazon, and on my website, www.transformationalexpansion.com.