Happiness as a Choice

Much has been made about happiness lately. There are lists of countries with the happiest citizens. There are lots of studies and research about what factors bring about happiness. There are books that pull together all this data and more. But nearly all of this information leaves out the most important fact about being happy. Happiness is not a condition. Happiness is a choice.

It’s so easy to think that happiness depends on external conditions – whether we are financially secure and can engage in pursuits we enjoy, whether we and our loved ones are healthy and whole, whether we are fulfilled and “successful” in our jobs or careers, whether we have loving friends and family who support us, and whether we can easily take care of all the problems and challenges that come up in life.

The truth is that most of us will never have all of these things – especially all of these things at one time. And even if we do manage to acquire all of them at once, the situation will almost never stay that way. We will always encounter hurdles of one kind or another. They are part of being human.

After caring for a seriously ill loved one for many months, I have come to understand how it is possible to be happy even in conditions that others consider hopeless or tragic. Worrying about whether a loved one will live or die is certainly stressful and anxiety provoking. But I realize I am in a situation that almost all of us must face eventually, unless we die first. If we live long enough we will undoubtedly find ourselves on one side or the other, either ill ourselves or caring for a sick loved one, or, perhaps both, and perhaps many times.

I also realized that health problems are not so different from other crises many of us face; separation and/or divorce, bankruptcy, flood or fire, legal problems, job loss or job insecurity, family conflict, etc., etc. How do we move with grace and equanimity through all the many challenges life presents to us?

We can choose to appreciate the small things in life, and know that our larger problems are simply opportunities for growing wisdom and compassion, which we will eventually get through, even if we don’t know how at the moment.

Once we realize that happiness is a choice, there are two major roadblocks.  The first obstacle is our tendency to dwell in either the past or the future. We fixate on the past in order to try to predict the future to give ourselves the illusion of control.  We then project what happened in the past onto the future and paint all kind of horrible scenarios that can literally drive us nuts.

Choosing happiness means accepting responsibility for what you can control and acting on it. But it also means letting go of all the bad things that happened in the past, as well as speculation about the future bad things that just might happen.

Choosing to let go of all this mind babel is not easy.  It takes awareness to recognize when you are letting anxiety and worry overwhelm you.  And it take commitment to keep bringing your thoughts back to appreciation for the present. But it is possible.

Expect that everything will be OK, and if it’s not OK, then believe in yourself enough to know that you will have the strength and wisdom to deal with it at the time. Choose to live in the present, to offer love, compassion and humor when the time is right. Only then can you appreciate the blessings that each moment presents, and allow them to bring happiness if only for a brief sweet interlude between the tears.

The second greatest obstacle to choosing happiness is the mostly unconscious, and incredibly ancient belief that hardship, crises, ill health and problems of all stripes are some kind of divine punishment meted out to those who are evil or unworthy. Even if our minds tell us this is balderdash, our emotions are still tuned to the energy of this cultural legacy. When we have problems we often feel judged by others, and if not by them, by ourselves. As long as we feel like we are not measuring up, that our problems are the result of some bad deed, character defect or being an inferior or “bad” person, it is very hard to choose happiness.

Taking on this collective guilt is bad enough, but rejecting it may be even worse. If you don’t think you qualify as unworthy or culpable, but yet still believe the myth, then you must be a victim. “I don’t deserve this.” As long as your condition is the fault of somebody else (or the system or the situation or whatever), then you have no responsibility for it, and as such, no ability to change it. Victims are by definition unhappy people.

Problems and hardship are not indications of failure. They are challenges and opportunities that expand our potential, stimulate our creativity, unleash our wisdom, and, in general, make life much more interesting.

Even in the midst of chaos, insecurity and grief, we can still choose to be happy. We can do this by enjoying and appreciating being physical and being human – the velvet fur of your purring cat, the soft grass under your bare feet, the kiss of a child, spouse or best friend, the sun on your back, the sound of a hearty laugh, and the ability to cry and feel deep emotions.

The more challenges we face in life, the more capable and competent we are. The more problems we tackle, the more possibilities to gain wisdom and compassion. The more difficult the problem, the more creative we become. The universe is not out to punish anyone. It is designed to steer us toward our highest potential.

We can choose to be happy even in the midst of the messiness of life if we understand that our value to the universe increases exponentially with every problem we face. The Earth is not an easy assignment, but since we all volunteered, we are honored and respected for our courage and commitment, for our wisdom and creativity, and for our ability to love.

Know you are loved and valued even as you struggle. Then choose to be happy, to practice love, tenderness and humor even if the midst of chaos, (and don’t forget the chocolate!)

You can learn more about the energy realm in my book, “It’s All About Energy:  Adventures in Expanded Reality”, found on Amazon, and on my website, www.transformationalexpansion.com.