There has been much in the news lately about sexual and domestic abuse, reporting that is long overdue. While focusing attention on physical abuse is certainly important and much needed, there are other kinds of abuse that need attention as well, namely emotional and energetic abuse. Who among us has not faced abuse of one kind or another over the course of our lives? 
Physical abuse is concrete and obvious. When someone emerges with a black eye, broken nose, and/or cuts and bruises, we know that physical abuse has occurred. Someone who is physically stronger has inflicted injuries on someone who is weaker or who couldn’t or wouldn’t protect themselves. Western culture now recognizes that physical abuse is wrong, even in the case of one’s spouse or children.
We are also beginning to understand that emotional abuse can be just as damaging if not more so. Calling someone a whore, a pervert, stupid, incompetent, or threatening them with bodily harm, can have long lasting psychological consequences, especially in children.
Energetic abuse is even more subtle, and occurs far more than we realize. Because it happens all the time and because energy exchange is the underlying dynamic in all forms of abuse, it is vitally important that we learn to recognize and understand energetic abuse.
The purpose of all abuse is to make people feel guilty, unworthy and/or powerless, thus shaking loose their self-esteem, self-respect and self-confidence. Once this vital self-defining energy is called into question, the abuser can seize and claim it for his/her own. Consequently, physical, emotional and energetic abuse are all forms of energy stealing.
Unlike other forms of energy stealing however, with abuse there is an overt aggressive act that first throws the victim off balance and loosens personal energy so that it is easier to grab. Think of a purse snatcher bumping a victim in order to loosen her grasp and make the purse easier to take.
In physical abuse, this aggressive act is bodily harm. In emotional abuse it is name calling, swearing, taunting, threatening dire consequences or insulting or disrespectful behavior towards the victim. These aggressive acts are designed to pry away a person’s self-respect and sense of worth by generating negative feelings of guilt, shame and/or self-loathing. This loosened positive energy is then appropriated by the abuser, giving him or her additional confidence and power. This added energy and his/her ability to acquire it whenever needed can lead to a almost drug-like high, which then causes increasing use of these tactics to overcome feelings of inadequacy, fear, depression or powerlessness whenever they arise.
Energetic abuse is done for the same reasons, but because we cannot pinpoint a word or deed as the cause of our feelings of abuse, we are often surprised and confused by our feelings, further knocking us off balance. We feel like we’ve been punched in the gut, but can’t really locate the cause even though we can usually identify the abuser. We know this person did something to unsettle and take something from us, but we can’t figure out what happened or what exactly is missing.
Because energetic abuse happens on the subtle energy level, it can be much more effective than physical or emotional abuse because it is so deceptive and covert. It is hard to protect yourself when you haven’t the faintest idea what hit you. Energetic abuse can happen through subtle innuendo, underhanded or backhanded comments or behavior, or by ignoring someone completely. Gas lighting and passive aggressive behavior are also forms of energetic abuse.
Energetic abuse also happens when someone dumps a great amount of negative energy on another person, usually while they are at the same time engaged in an innocuous conversation or activity. The disconnect between the energy dump and the overt speech or behavior is so great that we often feel like we are going insane or are in some alternate reality.
Energetic abuse can occur when someone physically or energetically invades our energetic space. Sometimes this is done to directly appropriate energy, and other times for purposes of coercion and intimidation. Anything that is designed (either consciously or unconsciously) to undermine our free will is energy abuse.
Energetic abuse can also be found in the growing climate of economic inequality. Economic inequality is also energetic inequality because money is a symbol of energy. Even though corporate welfare and tax breaks for the wealthy cost governments far more than safety nets for people in need, the economically disadvantaged are made to feel guilty and unworthy for having to ask for help, and/or for struggling to make ends meet. Their condition is implied as a fitting punishment for their unworthiness, and helping them is often seen as condoning a presumed lazy and inept lifestyle. In this way the wealthy and powerful (and wealthy powerful wannabes) take far more from people in poverty than just money. They are also taking self-respect, self-confidence and empowerment, and then adding this energy to the enormous amount they already have.
Why do the wealthy and/or powerful need so much?
In most cases the needs of abusers are never satisfied because energy acquired from stealing can always be stolen away again. Energy gained this way is never secure. Under these conditions they can never have too much because their hold on it seems so fragile.
Energy stealing can become addictive, and abuse is the most addictive form of energy stealing. When a victim is thrown off balance by an aggressive act, the amount of potential energy available for capture is much greater than in non-aggressive energy stealing. This unusually large intake of energy supplies a much greater jolt than normal energy stealing, and produces feelings of euphoria and self-importance. It can be very difficult for someone to voluntarily get off this horse once he/she has gotten on.
It also should be noted that in almost all kinds of abuse, the perpetrator rarely commits the abuse consciously. Emotional feelings rise up and dictate certain actions geared to alleviate the emotional stress. Even in physical abuse, where the consequences are obvious, many abusers are amazed that they caused injury, and sometimes remain in total denial, blaming the victim for causing the reaction. But once the high has been experienced, abusive tactics may be used automatically in order to alleviate negative emotions.
How do we protect ourselves from abuse?
Once we understand the dynamics of abuse we know not to allow ourselves to be thrown off balance by abusive behavior, whether it is physical, emotional or energetic. Efforts designed to belittle, coerce, bully, threaten, make us feel guilty, unworthy or inconsequential are just ploys to loosen our self-confidence and make us vulnerable to giving up what is rightfully ours.
In martial arts, the first lesson is learning how to bring your energy back to you and center it in your body in order to increase strength and prevent being knocked off balance. This lesson is important for protecting yourself emotionally and energetically as well as physically. When encountering a potentially abusive situation, remember to breathe deeply and draw your energy back to you. Center it in your hara, just below the navel, and if you still feel vulnerable, ground it for added protection and strength, by breathing it down into the earth.
Abuse of all kinds says far more about the abuser than about the abused. By engaging in abusive behavior the abuser is advertising his or her own deep emotional needs and insecurity. Do not allow the abuser to shake your confidence and sense of self. Instead, regard the abuser with compassion and understanding while at the same time taking whatever measures necessary to avoid injury to yourself and any others that might also be at risk, even if it involves legal proceedings.
It is very difficult to change abusive behavior, so ultimately you will probably have to make a choice about removing yourself from the aggressive people in your life.
Abuse is wrong, on any level.
You can learn more about the energy realm in my book, “It’s All About Energy: Adventures in Expanded Reality”, found on Amazon, in local bookstores, and on my website, www.transformationalexpansion.com.