Empowering Ourselves through Whining

Whining has gotten a bad rap, but it’s not all bad. We all have to do it from time to time. However, if you are going to whine, it’s good to do it with awareness.

Whining with awareness means understanding what we are doing when we whine, and acknowledging and really listening to that part  of us that needs to do it. That part is a younger part, a part of us that needs to be taken care of, needs to have some authority take charge, needs to turn over responsibility to someone who knows the answers, and who has the resources and the power to take care of the problems or irritations we are experiencing.

This younger part is very real and very important.  Although it often feels overwhelmed and helpless, it is also the part of us that loves to play, is innocently optimistic and full of love and laughter.  It is often called “the Inner Child”.

When it whines, it wants to be seen, acknowledged and reassured.  So this is the first thing to be aware of.  Sometimes we need to vent, and we need to have others there to support and acknowledge us when we vent.  That part of us needs to be recognized.

But, between the lines, there is often much more information.  If we listen closely we can learn a lot as well.  It is only by listening to our own whining that we can begin to understand where the real problem lies.

Unfortunately, sometimes we use whining not just as a way to be recognized in the moment, but as a way to continue to get attention.  When this happens our problems actually become the means to an end, so we may not be really interested in solving them.  As long as we have problems to whine about, we assume that people will continue paying attention to us, and we can continue stealing energy from them.  If discussing our problems with others never results in any solution, and/or we find ourselves whining about the same thing over and over, then we are not whining with awareness, and our friends may drop away because they realize on some level they are being used.

When we feel helpless, it’s human nature to blame someone else, and at the same time expect, hope, want, demand that someone else “fix” the problem.  As children we were helpless, and depended on our parents to take care of things.  But as adults, many of us have replaced responsible parents with others in authority, the church, the medical community, the government, the banks, the boss, the union, etc.  Helplessness thus brings much anger, some directed at those whose “fault” it is, and some directed at those who should be able to “fix” the problem.

When we are angry at a person (spouse, relative, co-worker), we often try to force them to change, and then get even angrier when that doesn’t work.  When we are angry at an institution or government (as so many are right now), we find that most institutions today are themselves in a process of decay and breakdown.  Whether we are angry at a person or an institution for either causing or not solving our problems, we can only get angrier and more frustrated, because neither the other person, nor today’s institutions can solve our problems most of the time.

The bottom line is that the only real power we have to change anything, is to change ourselves.   Once we take responsibility for solving our own problems we can listen with awareness to our own whining.  By listening with awareness, we probe the underbelly of the problem.

For example, a friend recently needed to whine about her husband’s temper.  After venting for a few minutes about the latest episode, she began to realize that her husband’s temper had caused her to learn how to get angry and stand up for herself, something she had been forbidden to do as a child.  After feeling powerless in the face of his wrath for many years, she finally taught herself how to be angry in a constructive way, allowing her energy to be large and forceful but without vengeance or hostility.  As she talked about learning this skill, she also realized that her husband’s temper had improved tremendously since she had started to be angry back, and this latest incident was in fact, now an isolated occurrence.

While she really needed to whine, she was also able to listen to herself, observing her words as they came out of her mouth, gaining insights as she continued to vent.  She needed me to be there for her, but she also brought her adult self and soul into the picture by listening with awareness.  Her adult self acknowledged her child self and supported her, while her soul brought forth the wisdom needed to understand the situation.  What started out as a feeling of helplessness, evolved into a profound realization about how she really did know how to handle the situation constructively.  What started as anger at her husband ended with deep appreciation for him, not only for how much he had changed (because she had changed), but also how many gifts they had given each other in their marriage.

Whining really can be empowering.

For more on energy and energy reality, see my book “It’s All About Energy:  Adventures in Expanded Reality”, available on Amazon, at local bookstores and on my website:  wwwtransformationalexpansion.com