Human beings are social creatures, so we all have a need to belong. Belonging can be a source of great joy, but also put us into the depths of despair when we feel like we don’t fit in. We often watch enviously as those around us seem to be happily a part of a larger group, only to find when we ask them, that even though it seems from the outside they belong, they are almost always unsure of their own acceptance and/or afraid their acceptance won’t last.
But there are certainly some people who have more problems with belonging than others. I am one of those. Ever since I can remember, I have never really felt like I belonged anywhere. When I decide to join any group, I experience both fear and hope – fear that I won’t belong in this group either, and hope that maybe this time will be different.
These emotions are always so strong that it takes some effort to remember insights gained some years ago, when I was really struggling. It was then I realized that I definitely have a love-hate relationship with belonging. One part of me desperately wants to belong, while the other rebels against it, always compelling me to acknowledge the differences (between me and others in the group) that preclude my belonging. Once I became aware of this tendency, I had to wonder why it was working so hard to keep me apart.
Then it dawned on me what a gift NOT belonging has truly been for me.
Because I never felt I belonged anywhere, I was free! – free to think for myself, free of mass consciousness (at least more free than most), free to take risks and make unconventional and/or outrageous choices that most people would never even consider. Free to learn to trust myself!! My life has been incredibly enriched and expanded because that rebel in me never allowed me to belong. It may actually be that not belonging is the very foundation of our self-acceptance, our individuality, of our uniqueness. It may be that not belonging, that fighting against conformity of all kinds, that insisting on tolerance, is also a basic human need.
Groups offer comfort and acceptance. They give security in knowing that there are other people who are similar to us. They give us a home, a place to lay our heads with others who accept and love us.
But most groups today also encourage, if not demand, conformity. Individual quirks, proclivities, talents, likes and dislikes that do not meet with the approval of the group put acceptance in jeopardy.
So the question is, can we form groups where we don’t have to conform, where we don’t have to all have the same background or experiences, where being truly ourselves all the time is never a problem? Can we be comfortable sometimes feeling connected and sometimes not, honoring our own needs to go and come when we need to? Can we honor and respect each other even if our experiences and choices are different, even if we sometimes have no idea what others are talking about, even if we are angry and upset at the group and/or the people in it?
Can we accept ourselves as different, as unique individual beings, each with our own gifts that are completely unlike anyone else’s, while at the same time allowing our hearts to expand enough to encompass a whole group of equally unique and rebellious beings?
What a fantastic and wonderful challenge!
Do you think we can do it?
For more on energy and energy reality, see my book “It’s All About Energy: Adventures in Expanded Reality”, available on Amazon, at local bookstores and on my website: wwwtransformationalexpansion.com